Humour and Classical Music: 17. The Two Ronnies
by David Barker
Let’s now move on to the other great comedy duo that dominated British TV in the 1970s, The Two Ronnies, Ronnie Barker (1929-2005 – I vividly remember emerging from the Tube station at Piccadilly Circus in October 2005 to see the newspaper headlines announcing his death) and Ronnie Corbett (1930-2016). I preferred them to Morecambe and Wise, and looking back, I’m sure that was due in some small part to my young mind hoping that I was related to Ronnie B (I’m sure I’m not).
The two first worked together in The Frost Report, a satirical sketch program on the BBC fronted by David Frost, and also starring John Cleese. The two moved back to the BBC after some time on the ITV network having followed Frost there. In 1971, the first of twelve series of The Two Ronnies was screened, with immediate success, Barker winning a BAFTA that year. Over the next sixteen years, there were a total of ninety-three episodes, with Christmas specials that rivalled those of Morecambe and Wise for popularity.
A feature of most shows was the musical finale, frequently inspired by Gilbert and Sullivan and the music hall, but occasionally there was one with a classical music foundation. I have not been able to find a comprehensive episode guide for the show that provides details of the musical finales, but there are three that I know of that I will discuss here.
“The Boys in the Ballet” is based on Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker and comes from 1975 (Series 4 Episode 2). While real ballet dancers perform in all seriousness around them, the Ronnies sing a series of brilliantly constructed ditties around Tchaikovsky’s melodies. Yes, they are full of double entendres and politically incorrect jokes, many of which wouldn’t pass muster today, but try singing the following lyrics to the end of the March: “He’s old enough to be her mum, but she adores his sugar plum, he’s got a room in Euston, and she’s got a flat behind” and not smile.
From the ninth series in 1982 (Episode 6) comes “Clapped Out Classics” by the Hendon Symphony Orchestra. In under six minutes, they squeeze in extracts from (and these are only the ones I recognised) Mozart’s Symphony 40 and Rondo from the fourth Horn Concerto, Bizet’s Carmen, Ponchielli’s Dance of the Hours, and Tchaikovsky’s first Piano Concerto, 1812 Overture and a number of sections from The Nutcracker, including the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies. The words put to the latter, delivered, and very likely written, by Ronnie Barker are priceless: “Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Never scored a goal for Wolverhampton, Mendelssohn was messy, Verdi very dressy, Sousa was a boozer, And Tchaikovsky was a jessie, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Never wrote a jingle for some brew no, What a pity Gounod, Had a little you-know, What and spots!”. Yes, I did say some of it is politically incorrect. The physical humour at the end, with Ronnie Corbett removing his washing from the timpani is just as good.
But as good as “Clapped Out Classics” is, I’ve left the best (and earliest) until last. From episode 3 of the second series (1972) comes Tootin’ Carmen, a Cockney rendition of Bizet’s opera in just over six brilliant minutes. Corbett plays the city type who stumbles upon the tea cart run by Carmen (played by Dilys Watling) and wants to look at her rock cakes, browse her plat du jour and sample her sausage roll. Barker is the Cockney moneylender who has had his eye on Carmen for some time and is jealously protective. It is flawless in its matching of the words to Bizet’s music and the delivery of the three principals. Even the difference in height of the two Ronnies is used in the fight scene with the lyrics (sung by Barker to the Toreador music): “Stand up and fight, You rotten little pest, Stand toe to toe, Stand nose to chest”. If I was to compile a Top 5 pieces of Classical Music Comedy, there is no doubt this would be in it.
As always, these can be found on YouTube, and I will leave you to do so if you wish. Be warned, you may not be able to get the words out of your head.
And so it’s good night from me … (and it’s good night from him).
